Forwarded to me:
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Cribb`s Causeway.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the Cribbs Causeway Shopping Association.
Dear Mrs. Roebuck ,
Over the past few months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our stores. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from Cribb`s Causeway. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Roebuck, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
1. May 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. June 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. June 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. June 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. June 24: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms in for a respray.
6. June 29: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. July 1: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. July 3: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
An ambulance was called.
9. July 7: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. July 10: While handling a shotgun in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. July 13: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. Same day: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. Same day: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. July 15: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. The same day: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paperr in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
Shopping..
Moderators: Aladinsaneuk, MartDude, D-Rider, Moderators
Shopping..
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly

The Cribbs Causeway complex is about 12 miles from me, it is indeed Hell on Earth,covering maybe 50 acres.
For that reason no firearms or vehicles are sold on the complex, imagine being stuck on the M5 for 7 hours trying to get into the place when the sales are on?
The chavs turn up already prepared having nicked a sawn off and ram raider 5 miles down the road in Shirehampton !
If you are driving thru Shirehampton and 'flash' a bus to let it pull out, the driver will never put his hand out of the the window to wave thanks cos he knows his watch and wedding ring will be gone !
Last edited by fatboy on Fri Jul 20, 2012 7:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Cleverly disguised as an adult !