I looked out on the destrction. Smashed windows, cars turned upside down, a bus on fire, people running scared, police unsure what move to make. . . .
I turned to the Missus and said "Chin up, you did your best, but maybe I should park the car".
London - August - 2011
Moderators: Aladinsaneuk, MartDude, D-Rider, Moderators
London - August - 2011
SHINY BIKE SYNDROME Motorcycle valeting and paint protection specialist.
Aladinsaneuk wrote:andy is having a VERY heavy period
Question:
How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?
Answer:
First - Lets pose the following question:
You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do?
BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG!
AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
(Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!)
How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?
Answer:
First - Lets pose the following question:
You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do?
BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG!
AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'....
(Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!)
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly
And ruthlessly looted from a friend..
As per the old spice advert
Hello Rioters. Look at your friend, now back to me. Now at your friend, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he stopped using petrol bombs and started using job centre he could potentially be me.
Look down, back up. Where are we? You're at an interview with the man your friend could work for.
What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's an application form to that job you need.
Look again. The form is now money. Anything is possible when you get a job and stop looting.
As per the old spice advert
Hello Rioters. Look at your friend, now back to me. Now at your friend, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he stopped using petrol bombs and started using job centre he could potentially be me.
Look down, back up. Where are we? You're at an interview with the man your friend could work for.
What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's an application form to that job you need.
Look again. The form is now money. Anything is possible when you get a job and stop looting.
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly
-
Willopotomas
- GP Racer
- Posts: 2256
- Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:11 pm
- Location: Coventry, ENGLAND
WTF is a British copper doing with a gun in the first place.Kwackerz wrote:
BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
We are supposed to be proud "owners" of an unarmed police force !!!!
“Scientists investigate that which already is. Engineers create that which has never been.”
-- Albert Einstein
-- Albert Einstein
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Willopotomas
- GP Racer
- Posts: 2256
- Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:11 pm
- Location: Coventry, ENGLAND
Replace 'shoot' with 'twat him with truncheon' 
David Cameron said in the commons today that many of the youths involved in the rioting don't know the difference between right and wrong.
After hearing some of those wankers talking on the news the last few days, I doubt very much they even know the difference between right and fucking left!
David Cameron said in the commons today that many of the youths involved in the rioting don't know the difference between right and wrong.
After hearing some of those wankers talking on the news the last few days, I doubt very much they even know the difference between right and fucking left!
Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handle bars to the saddle.
-
flatlander
- Eprom Test Pilot (Stig)
- Posts: 3097
- Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:06 pm
- Location: cheshire
looting spreads
For the avoidance of doubt and for the benefit of my wife, not everything I may say here will be absolutely true I may on ocassion embellish a little for effect.
That said when it comes to motorbikes, I like to ride side saddle with a nice frock
That said when it comes to motorbikes, I like to ride side saddle with a nice frock
D-Rider wrote:WTF is a British copper doing with a gun in the first place.Kwackerz wrote:
BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
We are supposed to be proud "owners" of an unarmed police force !!!!
*waves hand in a jedi manner*
This is not the policeman you are looking for..
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly