Misunderstood Alfa Driver

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randomsquid · #1 Post by **randomsquid** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:04 pm

So I'm worming my way through the traffic and I hear a horn. Obviously I'm being alerted to a problem so I have a look about. The aforementioned Alfa driver points at the sky, points at the side of the road, and makes a loose fist which he moves up and down.

I think, I must have a suspension problem, what a nice man for telling me. So I find a safe spot and stop. I take off my coat because it's warm and my hat so that I can converse better, and wait for him.

Then he zooms past pretending I'm not there. I really don't understand these folk in cars.

Aladinsaneuk · #2 Post by **Aladinsaneuk** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:10 am

Were you going to offer him some free Indian head massage for. Being such a nice chap?

flatlander · #3 Post by **flatlander** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:28 am

Perhaps he was trying to tell you that there was free ice cream at the next stop and you'd better take it as there was a police chopper about ?
I had something similar with a Porsche driver once but in reverse he appeared to be invitingly for an ice cream so as we approached the exit slip road and with all the rush hour traffic I decided to be a gent and leave him to have the ice cream whilst I continued on my way. He seemed to appreciate the gesture as I am sure I saw him get out of the car and wave a lot of thanks

fatboy · #4 Post by **fatboy** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:07 pm

Dont underestimate your hidden powers. By simply passing him in traffic you made him aware of several things all at once....
though italian, two wheels too many
he has less personality than a service station sandwich
his wife and boss hate him
his penis is very small
he will always be a tosser
he will never have the balls to ride a bike
he will never have balls full stop

randomsquid · #5 Post by **randomsquid** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:45 am

I think you've missed your calling Fatboy. The head massage would have probably helped. He did seem unaccountably tense.

Willopotomas · #6 Post by **Willopotomas** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:48 am

I find stalking helps adjust the attitude of these idiots. Once they realise you're following them, they become almost tame. Best if you can follow without being seen yourself.. Makes for some interesting reactions when you pull up outside their house, stare at them, wink with a smile and ride off. Ah.. I love psychology. Much less painful than violence and lasts for years!

fatboy · #7 Post by **fatboy** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:46 pm

Will, I can see that one working ! Unless you pick on a complete nut job who carries a cut down baseball bat

Willopotomas · #8 Post by **Willopotomas** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:52 pm

fatboy wrote:Unless you pick on a complete nut job who carries a cut down baseball bat

So.. I'll be wearing a crash hat and leathers.. Bring it on..lol.

flatlander · #9 Post by **flatlander** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 8:37 pm

Done that one ashamedly enough when I was younger ...

fatboy · #10 Post by **fatboy** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:53 pm

Baseball bat or stalking ? Both ?
Its ok, you can tell, no one's listening

flatlander · #11 Post by **flatlander** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:14 pm

Both I was coming down a clear straight no traffic either way and a dock head pulled out of the side road right in front of me. Needless to say I felt concerned about his driving enough to make sure he got home ok. At this point I enquired as to his health welfare and future plans. I did offer that I could call back any time now that I knew where ge lived to assist in those future plans. He seemed unimpressed by my generous offer.

randomsquid · #12 Post by **randomsquid** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:06 am

An ex-squaddy I used to work with reckoned a chainsaw in the boot was a great leveller.

D-Rider · #13 Post by **D-Rider** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:28 am

randomsquid wrote:An ex-squaddy I used to work with reckoned a chainsaw in the boot was a great leveller.

Crikey - that could take your toes off!

HowardQ · #14 Post by **HowardQ** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:55 pm

Only after first removing all 4 limbs, the head and private parts, in random order!

flatlander · #15 Post by **flatlander** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:06 pm

You are a Canadian pron star and I claim my £5