I'm a butcher, and as a butcher, my job requires me to be a dab hand in the kitchen.
I also grow my own veg. onions, toms, pots, beans, apache chillis and peppers etc
I've just been preparing dinner before my housemate comes home.
Home made meatballs. half mince pork, half beef. With some chopped chorizo and sultanas mixed in. Coated in flour, lightly fried before putting in the sauce.
For the sauce i used 3 cloves of garlic, chopped tomatoes, a whole pepper, basil oregano, a whole onion, and five of my own finely chopped chillis.
I put everything in the pot, and left it simmering.
Now, as i said, i'm a butcher. my diet includes alot of meat obviously, this occasionally affects certain personal movements. My job also entails rather alot of heavy lifting. A hind quarter of beef for instance weighs 200lb or so. Lots of deadlifting.
This, coupled with riding to and from work everyday on my trusty falco with its cold damp saddle, has caused a certain condition that im sure others of you also suffer with.
I've suffered this aformentioned condition for a few years, and as such have a stash of creams and "rear exit" pills
So, back to dinner....
Meatballs simmering nicely, i rince my hands under the tap quickly, and pop to the loo to appy said creams and suppositorys......
...In hindsight, i should have used washed my hands better, and used the nail brush. But i figured i didn't need to be too thorough as to the next location of my hands (I would have used anti-bac and nail brush after obviously!!!)
As i write this now, my housemate is hysterically crying with laughter trying to cook pasta, as i am sat with an ice cube positioned on my arsehole, currently experiencing what only can be described as the sensation of being violated with a sparkler.
I hope others find this educational, if not ammusing
