Comprehending Engineers

Message

Samray · #1 Post by **Samray** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:52 pm

Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

* To the optimist, the glass is half full.
* To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
* To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

D-Rider · #2 Post by **D-Rider** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:29 pm

.... and your point is?

Kind Regards
D-Rider, BSc. (Hons), C.Eng., M.I.E.E.

Samray · #3 Post by **Samray** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:33 pm

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired, engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1 - knowing where to put it $49,999.

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

* The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
* The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
* The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
* The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

#4 Post by **Kwackerz** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:36 pm

Samray · #5 Post by **Samray** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:48 pm

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Falco Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Willopotomas · #6 Post by **Willopotomas** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:41 pm

What's your point? The bike is ace.. Due to the extra bracing and higher rated bearings, it wont need a service for 10+ years.. Maybe few tyre changes, but they're now solid rubber, so should last years. The blind folk at the local Rotary Club love their new indoor golf course.. Complete with fans, bird song and the occasional whiff of cow shite from a nearby farm.

Oh, and for the record.. My talking frog is getting a little weird.. Keeps asking me to 'do things' to it.. Like kiss it.. The only thing I kiss is my mum and fully completed machines I've spent months building.

Will BSh (Hons), D.B.T.B.

Falcopops · #7 Post by **Falcopops** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 3:46 am

Willopotomas wrote:Will BSh (Hons), D.B.T.B.

Apologies in advance Will, I'm an engineer too, just a BEng mind and not even real engineering (traffic/civil).

Your qualifications appear to read:-

Will - no problem with that, can't help it if your named after a male appendage although clearly yours is a bit small hence the shortening of the name from willy.

BSh - clearly short for bullshitter!

DBTB - Acronym of Don't bother The Bullshitter.

HowardQ · #8 Post by **HowardQ** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:55 pm

Willopotomas · #9 Post by **Willopotomas** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 7:03 pm

Close.. BSh is correct.. but D.B.T.B is Dogs Body Tea Boy

No quals in engineering.. but dunt really matter to me or my boss.. I can get the job done and know what I'm doin. That's about all he cares about. I've got a very good tutor and am constantly learning on-the-job..

Falcopops · #10 Post by **Falcopops** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:29 pm

Damn, you got me, I thought they were real!

It's a sad reflection of todays thinking that often a piece of paper gains better recognition than a lifetime of actually doing it.

Falcoholic · #11 Post by **Falcoholic** » Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:35 am

Some of the Honours Degree Graduates we get in here are barely usable for tea duties.

They couldn't put a nut in a monkey's mouth but the could calculate the size, weight and trajectory of said nut and the digestion period in said monkeys gut depending on temperature, humidity and acid percentage in it's stomach.

Had to laugh one day when a young grad was on site and he asked a pipe fitter for a sample of his welding. Pipe fitter handed him the stick and said if you can weld that elbow on that length of 8" mild steel pipe as good as me then you can have your sample.

I doubt if the grad had ever seen a stick welding plant.