Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs
When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?
If you're doing the speed limit, you're in the way.
18 out of 10 schizophrenics agree
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Bumper Sticker: Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.
Today is the last day of your life, so far.
No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.
People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.
One half of the world will never understand the other half and it doesn't matter which half you're in.
I've discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week and the government spends 7.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.
The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can't hold it.
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
The reason Las Vegas is so crowded is that no one has the plane fare to leave.
Just a few thoughts ...
Moderators: Aladinsaneuk, MartDude, D-Rider, Moderators
-
Samray
- Double World Champion
- Posts: 6234
- Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 6:36 pm
- Location: Riding round with Sheene and Simoncelli
Just a few thoughts ...
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
-
Samray
- Double World Champion
- Posts: 6234
- Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 6:36 pm
- Location: Riding round with Sheene and Simoncelli
More oneliners :
The Government wants more money? Why don't they try selling candy bars like the Boy Scouts do?
Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics. In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.
A person that learns from their mistakes is smart. A person that learns from other people's mistakes is smarter.
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button.
It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong.
The things you tell your teenagers don't reach them 'til they're in their 40s.
He who lives without discipline dies without honor.
I have a speech impediment . . . my foot.
I need some duck tape . . . my duck has a quack in it
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
The more you say, the less people remember.
98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.
Any sports fan can tell you the most brutal thing about professional football is the price of the tickets.
It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you.
The real goal is to be rich the moment after you die.
Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.
Don't count your fish until they're on dry land.
Don't judge, you idiot.
Marriage is like a tourniquet; it stops your circulation.
Everything on land is within walking distance.
The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.
We're not truly happy until we focus on others.
Sarcasm: an ingenious way of making intelligent people feel stupid.
Love isn't blind . . . it just has Attention Deficit Disorder.
Life is a bowl of cherries . . . overpriced and only available at certain times.
A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.
Funny that most of our best-sellers are written at a 9th-grade reading level.
Small talk is one step down from no talk.
If it weren't for humor, we might never get at the truth.
To understand politics, we must read between the lies.
The Government wants more money? Why don't they try selling candy bars like the Boy Scouts do?
Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics. In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.
A person that learns from their mistakes is smart. A person that learns from other people's mistakes is smarter.
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button.
It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong.
The things you tell your teenagers don't reach them 'til they're in their 40s.
He who lives without discipline dies without honor.
I have a speech impediment . . . my foot.
I need some duck tape . . . my duck has a quack in it
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
The more you say, the less people remember.
98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.
Any sports fan can tell you the most brutal thing about professional football is the price of the tickets.
It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you.
The real goal is to be rich the moment after you die.
Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.
Don't count your fish until they're on dry land.
Don't judge, you idiot.
Marriage is like a tourniquet; it stops your circulation.
Everything on land is within walking distance.
The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.
We're not truly happy until we focus on others.
Sarcasm: an ingenious way of making intelligent people feel stupid.
Love isn't blind . . . it just has Attention Deficit Disorder.
Life is a bowl of cherries . . . overpriced and only available at certain times.
A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.
Funny that most of our best-sellers are written at a 9th-grade reading level.
Small talk is one step down from no talk.
If it weren't for humor, we might never get at the truth.
To understand politics, we must read between the lies.
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.