The Fun Police.

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Samray · #1 Post by **Samray** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 12:36 am

I'm irrationally wound up atm, and that irate I fear for my blood pressure.

The thread title is a documentary on Ch 4 about the H&SE.
The one that really got to me is apparently getting £400/day (prolly + a car and expenses) and wouldn't look out of place in a pantomime.
Apparently water is wet, hot things are hot and heavy things weigh a lot.
Oh, and don't forget sharp things are sharp !!

Bloody nazi jobsworths.

Pass the Jack.

HowardQ · #2 Post by **HowardQ** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 1:43 pm

I work for my local Authority, we now have signs up in our loos.

Caution, the hot water from the hot tap may be very hot!

No shit, I would never have expected that.

Theres an even more topical one in the last couple of days, but first of all a bit of background.
Like most other Authorities we have hardly any rock salt left, 1 to 2 days max supply with no orders coming through and no budget left to pay for any!
First we started only gritting certain roads, even main trunk roads have seen little salt, but people (like me) started commenting about how ridiculous this was as people were getting killed.
Now we are putting out big white signs at the side of the road on all hills and dangerous bends, which say -

ICE

Problem solved then !!

Our Caretakers who open up all the hundreds of Authority buildings used to just contact our depot to get new supplies of rocksalt delived, or they could pop in with a van and get a few bags, to use around remote offices and all the schools and care homes in the area.
Now we are just telling them you can't have any, you must order your own.
So that's all OK then is it, if you're a head teacher or Care Home manager, you just pop down to you local Tescos or Asda and get a few bags. perhaps not.

Get out the Yellow Pages and look up "Rock Salt Suppliers", er ... perhaps not.

No, what Care Home Managers (and possbly schools) in Yorkshire are been told is -

DO NOT CLEAR ANY SNOW AT ALL.

If the old people go out in the snow as it lays, it is just a natural hazzard, so if they fall and get hurt we are not to blame.
If you make some attempt to clear it and leave an icy patch, because you have not got the salt to treat it properly, you may get sued, so leave well alone!

What is this fugging country coming to?
Oh sorry, I forgot it was all the fault of us petrol heads.
WE helped cause Global Warming.
Global Warming meant that we never needed to buy rock salt any more as there would be no more snow, so no budget allocated by central government for rock salt.
I'm off now to top myself!

Falcomille · #3 Post by **Falcomille** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:10 pm

After owning a hotel and overdosing on Health and Safety for the last 8 years (including signs on ladder saying "do not climb", even though I was the only one who had access to it, and used it every six months to alter the clocks), I'm delighted to say that down here in the Sarf, we don't appear to have Heath & Safety! No silly signs, everyone is resonsible for their own behaviour. It's BLISS!!! Oh, and no CCTV, no crime, no GATSO's (well only a few), no lager louts (in fact I've not seen anyone pissed in public).

Falcomille · #4 Post by **Falcomille** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 4:38 pm

Oh, I nearly forgot... if you order Pasta carbanara here, you get it with a raw egg, in it's half shell, stuck in the top. You mix it into the hot pasta, and it's scrummy. Guess what? We're not dead! All this bollocks about salmonella doesn't apply here.

paddyz1 · #5 Post by **paddyz1** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 4:38 pm

fastasfcuk · #6 Post by **fastasfcuk** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 6:14 pm

paddyz1 wrote:

good job we can laugh, or we'd all be doing a howard.

Gio · #7 Post by **Gio** » Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:55 am

Nah that fence is a bike rider slicer

Last week we didn't get our dustbins emptied, so i rang up the council, they said there was too much snow on the roads to send out the lorries, I gave them the number plate of a refuse lorry that passed down the road without stopping and was told that it was collecting rubbish in a different area.

I've demanded a rates refund and if they wont give it then I'm deducting it from next years rates.

lazarus · #8 Post by **lazarus** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 9:12 am

But if you think about it, it's not the HS&E that is the problem but the lawyers / legal system. The bits you quote Howard are all about cutting the risk of legal liability - we all know the water is hot, we dont need to be told, but if we are told them the risk of scalding passes to you not the council. And given the huge amounts of money that are being paid out on compo claims for things like little steps in the kerbs, its not surprising.

But the law wont change much - parliament is packed with lawyers and there are livings to be earned by ambulance chasing. Turkeys and Christmas.

Falcomille · #9 Post by **Falcomille** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:23 pm

All very true. That's what risk assessments are all about. Making sure that if the shit hits the fan, your arse is covered. Sad, but true.

#10 Post by **Kwackerz** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:29 pm

Was stood outside the C.O.'s Office yesterday, while waiting to go in we were looking thru the old regimental Photo scrapbooks. Big BIG bailey Bridges, loads of high aerial work, building sites in Shorts and boots...
As you then flicked thru the book you came to modern times and it's H&S everywhere you look. Hard hats, Hivis vests, gloves, safetyboots, eye protection..the list goes on..

It's all bollocks. Application of commonsense is all thats needed really.

Aladinsaneuk · #11 Post by **Aladinsaneuk** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:42 pm

do you have to fill in a risk assessment for the bullets in your gun?

my favourite was at makro - large tub of peanuts, larger sign warning that the peanuts may contain nuts

it was the word "may" that made me chuckle....

Samray · #12 Post by **Samray** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:50 pm

H&SE site apparently has a list of Urban Myths about themselves.

Like the fact that they never banned kids from playing conkers, in fact they sponsored the national conker championships this year to try and make that point.
It remains the case that they built the culture wherein schools have to ban conkers to cover their arses.

#13 Post by **Kwackerz** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 2:55 pm

And a calendar..

http://news.hse.gov.uk/2009/01/15/myth- ... -calendar/