Being British

[Anorak]

Not quite sure of how much of this is true, but it raised the odd smile in places:



Being British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all?

Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be British, send this on!

[Samray]

[fastasfcuk]

if thats true about 3 brits that have died trying a 9 volt battery on their tongue i've just pissed my self.

[Goldie]

I knew it.... Christmas Kills!!!

If we made a concerted effort do you think we could eliminate more than 50 of the country's simpletons next year ?

[Aladinsaneuk]

i think i will send a box of batteries to the house of commons....

[Kwackerz]

Just send a few Turkeys...

[Firestarter]

There's too many turkeys there already, don't send more!

[Samray]

There's too many turkeys there already, don't send more!

It sounds as tho news reaches Seattle before it reaches Cheshire.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/n ... flu04.html

[Firestarter]

It sounds as tho news reaches Seattle before it reaches Cheshire.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/n ... flu04.html

No, the news gets here quickly enough, bird-flu or not there's already too many turkeys in the House of Commons - they've just got a better life-expectancy.

[Aladinsaneuk]

funnily enough, I was the occupational health nurse at holton for a while... and it is only about 6 miles from where i live

My own theory is that a high spice and ale diet is an effective protection against it

In all seriousness, i expect that Beries will close down now - the jamie oliver effect nearly finished the company, and this may well kill it off

(Oh, and Bernie himself being barking mad doesn't help....)