Wordperfect

[Viffer]

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help
you?
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around
the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it
won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that
looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor
and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell
me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you
notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not
just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back
there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something
and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the
right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the
only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've
got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system
and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do
I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to
own a computer!!!

[Samray]

[HowardQ]

Reminds me of something that happened to me quite a few years ago.
We got a call to the Network Team to tell us that they had a major network problem in the Social Services building.
The user told us that her screen had gone blank and she was sure it was a network problem. The discussion went on for some time to try and find out why see was absolutely convinced it was a network problem, well the screens blank so it must be a network problem, was the best we could get. Suggested that her monitor might have been switched off, could she please check it. There’s no point was the reply, I know it’s not my PC. It must be a network problem as every PC in her section had gone off in the same way, and she wanted the problem sorting very quickly as they had urgent work to get out.
Then suggested that there might just possibly be a power problem. How can there be she said, the lights are still on. Yes but they are on a different supply, stunned silence!
Have you got anything else electrical? Yes I’ve got a fan on my desk. Does that still work?
Er NO!
In that case it is a network problem, phone a bloody ‘trician.
By this time her departmental boss was on my other phone, demanding we sorted it quickly, fortunately he saw the funny side!