The cost of new plates....

[Aladinsaneuk]

This was the first thing i wrote... well, of this genre anyway

Parts of it may appear familiar to many of you :)

Enjoy

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How Expensive can a Plate be?

OK - this may get a touch sexist.... and I will try to remain quiet and unanimated.. but it is hard.

Picture the scene - mrs aladinsane, other wise known as old fiery breath, drops a little bombshell over breakfast. As she wades through her half a suckling pig with the by products of a battery chicken farm, and I light my breakfast, she suddenly stops, and states:

"these plates are getting tired"

now call me a bluff old traditionalist, but i am buggered if the plates look tired to me.. no red rimmed eyes, and no sidling off the table to head for a comfy cushion for a good sleep..

Being a well trained husband, I grunt in a sort of affirmative manner.

"hmmm" she says, expertly buttering her half a loaf of bread that has been lightly toasted, "I will go and look at getting a new dinner set"

"Sure my dear" as I attempt to main line more caffeine and nicotine into my whimpering body..

Now then - she says that she is off to look at some more plates - no biggie, she will buy them, and I will cook food to be put on them...

Oh lord was I wrong

After several hours of intensive retail therapy - I got out of it as I had an urgent appointment with my mates checking the quality of some beer, she returns home, appearing to be empty handed.

As I am lying on the floor - I had started on a chair but the damn thing kept tipping me out, she casually mentions that there is a few bits in the car that need to be carried in...(Little rant here for men’s lib - if you managed to carry them from the sodding shop to the car, I personally reckon that you can carry the sodding things in - but I digress). Being a good slave, I wander out and see the kind of packaging that resembles a wedding present. Feeling like a himalayan sherpa, I carry everything inside and dump it in the kitchen - only to find that she is wrapping all the old plates etc up...

"New crockery dear?" I ask carefully

"Yes - and as it is about 7 years to the day since you bought this house, I thought you could pay for it as a birthday present to the house.."

"Pardon??"

I mean - being a traditional cynic, I do not often remember my own birthday - but the house's birthday? Jumping jews on a stick, next year she will no doubt having me painting the bastard place and putting bleeding ribbons - pink of course, around the door

"I thought you were doing the shopping??"

"I was, but I used your credit cards - it was easier that way..."

Bollocks I thought - bite your tongue - you will lose if you have a row while slightly beered up....

"Ok my little nest of vipers, lets unpack the stuff"

Now ladies - it may be a man thing - but packaging is there to be removed and placed in the bin - not carefully folded and placed in a draw for when it might be needed - nothing is worse than remembering that there may be a small bottle of scotch in the drawer, only to open it and find half of a department stores annual packing budget there instead.

So, we get all the stuff out - and then start to pack it away in the kitchen cupboards. This time, the crockery is quite nice, but the new troughs the memsahib has bought are on the large side - indeed so large, I think they could hold a meal for four on each one.

Here is the rub - when placed in the kitchen cupboards, they do not fit - the doors do not close....at this point I feel the cold icy hand of the decorating monster firmly grasp my testicles...

"Well flower - at least we still have the packaging, so I can take it back tomorrow"

(‘twas a vain hope - and I should have remembered that there are only two hopes in this world - Bob Hope and bugger all hope....)

I watched as she tried positioning the troughs, sorry plates - if I had of been feeling brave I would have pointed out that a circle is still a circle no matter how many times you turn it round - but that kind of comment was beaten out of me within - well - days of marriage.

Her solution was priceless -

"well - we will have to get some more cupboards..."

"... and it is about time that you decorated our kitchen"

please note - the subtle use of the word you, combined with our...

So - the plates cost around 150 quid... the cupboards - I do not even want to think about it - because I am reasonably certain that the blinds will not match, and the fridge really is the wrong shade... oh - and while we are doing that, maybe repaint everything.....

All because of one slightly faded plate - I think I just spent about 3000 quid....

[falcomunky]

LOLOL!
Arent Wimmin ace!