http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/01/micr ... yware.html
Here are 24 reasons why windows is not a virus:
1. Viruses are free.
2. Viruses can be gotten from any good bbs.
3. If detected soon enough, most viruses can be removed from your computer without a huge loss of data and time.
4. Viruses don't take up HUGE wads of disk space.
5. Viruses don't need 4meg of ram to run.
6. Viruses do something.
7. Viruses come in flavors, not just one-size-fits-all.
8. Viruses use the "cutting edge" programming skills to make themselves less noticable. (untill they are ready to be noticed)
9. Viruses don't have major bugs. (if they do, then they don't work, so they're not virus')
10. Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation that is all mixed up and wrong.
11. Viruses don't leak things to the press about the upcomming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp or better yet, XJerusalem.
12. Viruses don't put out stupid two page adds in magazines centered around the march 6 "activate button".
13. Viruses arn't on every computer.
14. Viruses don't have stupid wizards.
15. Who cares if a virus is 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32?
16. Viruses don't say that they are user "friendly", when they arn't.
17. Viruses can run on PCDOS without warnings.
18. Viruses when installing themselves don't try to send private info about your computer over the phone lines to microstoned-net.
19. Viruses install themselves.
20. Viruses don't try to push out all compitition. They just try to do their job.
21. Viruses maker's don't try to buy Intuit (makers of Quicken (wouldn't that be fun, America's biggest finacial software company owned by a virus maker))
22. Viruses don't invade and take over PC Magazine, filling it with 100% junk on Win95.
23. Viruses don't try to copy what Apple does.
24. There are programs you can buy, or get free to remove viruses.
"There are people who don't like capitalism, and there are people who don't like PCs, but there's no one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft."
-- Bill Gates
Windows 95 Definition:
Windows 95 (win'doz nin'ti fiv) n.
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a
16 bit patch to an
8 bit operating system originally coded for a
4 bit microprocessor, written by a
2 bit company, that can't stand
1 bit of competition.
Windows Error Messages
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Short one-liners
How do you want to crash today?
Windows NT: "Hold the war, I have to reboot!"
Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.
Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.
Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 gives you the whole house.
A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.
Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
My latest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows. OS/2 ... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!
Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
