Quantas Enginnering Report

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T.C.
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Quantas Enginnering Report

#1 Post by T.C. » Fri Sep 12, 2014 9:00 am

Only in Australia

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
It is better to arrive 30 seconds late in this world than 30 years early in the next

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HisNibbs
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#2 Post by HisNibbs » Fri Sep 12, 2014 10:33 am

:smt003
Don't put off 'till tomorrow what you can enjoy today

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slickliner6
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#3 Post by slickliner6 » Fri Sep 12, 2014 11:19 am

:smt003 :smt003
A day without a laugh is a day wasted.

we were so poor when i was growing up.Dad said "its a good job i was born a boy,at least id have something to play with" ;-)

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Viking
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#4 Post by Viking » Fri Sep 12, 2014 1:47 pm

Hmmm...

I know the RAAF is really short of aircraft right now, but I doubt Qantas is busily installing IFF and target radar in it's planes...
It's the V-twin thing. There's just something about it that inline-4s don't have at all, and V-4s don't have enough of.

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