Various jokes - loved the last one

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Falcopops · #1 Post by **Falcopops** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 3:38 am

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.

My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good loudspeakers," he told me.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about s*x at that age."
"Curious about s*x?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."

Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up, won't it start?"

Samray · #2 Post by **Samray** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 5:26 am

ligloo · #3 Post by **ligloo** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:34 am

Tweaker · #4 Post by **Tweaker** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:33 am

.... very Cooperesqe

Aladinsaneuk · #5 Post by **Aladinsaneuk** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:40 am

actually I was thinking Jimmy Carr but....

HowardQ · #6 Post by **HowardQ** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:24 pm

Just thought they were funny

Tweaker · #7 Post by **Tweaker** » Fri Apr 24, 2009 2:53 pm

Aladinsaneuk wrote:actually I was thinking Jimmy Carr but....

Ahh.... that'll be down to my old age then