Nocturnal 4x4 nightmare

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fatboy
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Nocturnal 4x4 nightmare

#1 Post by fatboy » Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:05 pm

I live on a green lane in a vintage caravan and life is usually tranquil, late last night a loas of 4x4s came down the lane at a helluva seed, clearly aiming for anything they could hit.
The commotion got everyone out side, the wankers had stopped near the end of the lane bragging about what they had hit, my mates son opened the door to speak to one of the passengers so the driver pulled away dragging Jake down the lane with his hand caught in the doorhandle so I smacked the car with what came to hand to make it stop, trashing the rear windscreen.
Those fuckers came belting through here, 30 ish with mere inches of clearance, we have 5 kids here between the ages of 2 to 7, they would not have stood a chance if they had stepped out to see what was happening, not to mention the dogs and cats.
The driver of the last 4x4 told me they would be back,wanting revenge for the windscreen....
Yes, police now involved
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flatlander
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#2 Post by flatlander » Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:50 pm

It's not the cars fault your mistake was not hitting the driver ..repeatedly and with a much heavier object... We live on a lane and there is a solicitor woman who speeds up and down it every time in a rush ignoring the fact that children and neighbours with dogs are often on the lane and then mutters to herself if she has a near miss. I am just not going to take avoiding action the day the little one is not in the car... That or throw a car into the open window
For the avoidance of doubt and for the benefit of my wife, not everything I may say here will be absolutely true I may on ocassion embellish a little for effect.
That said when it comes to motorbikes, I like to ride side saddle with a nice frock
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Viking
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#3 Post by Viking » Sat Sep 06, 2014 9:12 pm

Hmmm.... I was going to post a few useful suggestions. But changed my mind when I realised they all advocated the use of caltrops and Molotov cocktails.
It's the V-twin thing. There's just something about it that inline-4s don't have at all, and V-4s don't have enough of.
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Falcorob
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#4 Post by Falcorob » Sat Sep 06, 2014 9:20 pm

'I live on a green lane in a vintage caravan'

Move the caravan off the lane? :smt051
I'm right 98% of the time so why worry about the other 3%?
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randomsquid
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#5 Post by randomsquid » Sat Sep 06, 2014 9:27 pm

Falcorob wrote:'I live on a green lane in a vintage caravan'

Move the caravan off the lane? :smt051
Move the caravan into the lane.
Where ever I lay my hat.....
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Dusty
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#6 Post by Dusty » Sun Sep 07, 2014 8:39 am

I'd be tempted to install a rustic version of speed bumps and/or chicanes. Obviously, you can't block it but some strategically placed logs or rocks would certainly slow the b*st*rds down or enforce some expensive repairs.
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Falcorob
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#7 Post by Falcorob » Sun Sep 07, 2014 9:35 am

Buy a shotgun.

Shoot the feckers.

Use the bodies as speed bumps.

Job jobbed. :smt003
I'm right 98% of the time so why worry about the other 3%?
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Willopotomas
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#8 Post by Willopotomas » Sun Sep 07, 2014 10:04 am

Paintball guns. Pepper the twats and their cars.. They'll be easy for plod to spot then.. Not that they'll do anything.
Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handle bars to the saddle.
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fatboy
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#9 Post by fatboy » Sun Sep 07, 2014 6:59 pm

Most were away this weekend,working the last festivals of the year.
Police were helpful but as yet no follow up phone call or visit as promised.
The best we can do for now is slow the fuckers down with obstacles in the way, the threatened return visit has not happened.
I hope that by recieving a sledge hammer handle through the windscreen registers dissapproval, if that happened to me I would take it as ' I fucked up, get outta here', which is what they did
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#10 Post by fatboy » Sun Sep 07, 2014 7:02 pm

Oh and thanks for the replies, the support means a lot !
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#11 Post by D-Rider » Sun Sep 07, 2014 8:26 pm

fatboy wrote:Oh and thanks for the replies, the support means a lot !
.... and when you've finished with the support, please wash it before returning it to Pete.



.... and I hope that everything works out OK for you on this one.
“Scientists investigate that which already is. Engineers create that which has never been.”
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fatboy
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#12 Post by fatboy » Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:10 pm

Well two of the unimaginative fuckwits were back last night, considerably slower, possibly due to the wooden packing case full of rocks left in the way !
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MartDude
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#13 Post by MartDude » Mon Sep 08, 2014 7:59 pm

fatboy wrote:Well two of the unimaginative fuckwits were back last night, considerably slower, possibly due to the wooden packing case full of rocks left in the way !
:smt001
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Aladinsaneuk
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#14 Post by Aladinsaneuk » Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:12 pm

caltrops


Let's face it, you wouldn't go to a nurse to get good advice on a problem with a Falco - you'd choose an Engineer or a mechanic...

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Dusty
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#15 Post by Dusty » Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:27 pm

Oh yes, that would slow them down, as would a stinger if you can borrow one from your friendly constable.
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